Choosing the right Mediator will shape your entire divorce experience. You should focus on three main areas: training, experience, and the right fit. When you take time to ask the right questions, you increase the chances of a respectful, productive process.
A Divorce Mediation can either feel calm and constructive or stressful and confusing. Much depends on who you choose to guide you through the Mediation process. In California, Mediation is largely unregulated which means almost anyone can call themselves a Mediator, regardless of their background. Because of this, you should do your homework.
There are three key factors you should consider: training, experience, and connectivity.
1. Training: Has Your Mediator Done the Work?
California does not currently have a formal statewide certification for Mediators, although a recent statute requires the State Bar to create a certification process. However, that ‘certification’ will not be a confirmation that the Mediator is trained or qualified or experienced – it will only indicate the Mediator will comply with the Rules of Conduct for Mediators in Court-Connection Mediation Programs listed in the California Rules of Court.
This means there is no automatic way for you to know who is properly trained.
You should ask direct questions, such as:
- What Mediation training have you completed?
- Have you taken a 40-hour basic Mediation training?
- Have you completed advanced training in divorce or family law mediation?
A 40-hour basic training is a common starting point. However, general Mediation training does not always focus on divorce-specific issues. Divorce Mediation involves complex topics like child custody, parenting plans, support, property division including retirement plans, and long-term co-parenting.
You want a mediator who understands these issues. If a Mediator cannot clearly explain their training, or minimizes its importance, that should concern you.
2. Experience: How Much and What Kind?
Training alone is not enough. You also need to understand your Mediator’s real-world experience.
Ask questions such as:
- How long have you been mediating?
- How many divorce or family law cases have you handled?
- Have you worked with situations that are like ours?
Some Mediators begin by volunteering in the courts or working with nonprofit organizations. Even if they are newer to private mediation practice, they may still have significant experience.
What matters most is whether they regularly handle divorce and family law cases. Mediation in a business dispute is very different from Mediation involving children and long-term family relationships. You want someone who understands the emotional and financial realities you are facing.
3. Connectivity: Do You Feel Comfortable?
Even if a Mediator is well-trained and experienced, they still may not be the right fit for you. You and your spouse must both feel heard and respected and comfortable with the person who will navigate your family through this most stressful time or your lives.
Schedule a consultation with both spouses present, either in person or by video.
During that meeting, ask yourself:
- Do we feel listened to?
- Are explanations clear and easy to understand?
- Do we feel calmer after speaking with this person?
- Does this style fit our personality and level of conflict?
You will be discussing personal issues about your children, finances, and future. If something feels off to you, pay attention to that feeling.
Meet Together, Not Separately
It is important that you and your spouse do not meet with a potential Mediator separately.
If one spouse meets privately with a Mediator, it can create a perception of bias and creates a potential conflict of interest. The other spouse may worry that the Mediator has already heard only one side of the story, and any appearance of favoritism can damage trust before Mediation even begins.
When you meet together with a potential Mediator, you both receive the same information at the same time which protects neutrality and builds confidence in the process.
Ask Practical Questions
Mediation is flexible. Flexibility can be helpful, but it also means every Mediator runs their practice differently.
You should ask about:
- Scheduling and availability
- How fees are structured
- How billing works
- How long the process typically takes
It is completely appropriate to speak with more than one Mediator before deciding. This is an important professional relationship. Take your time and compare your options.
Trust Your Instincts
When you combine proper training, meaningful experience, and strong personal fit, you create the best foundation for successful Mediation.
If both you and your spouse feel safe, heard, and respected, Mediation is far more likely to succeed. Choosing carefully can make a difficult chapter of your life more manageable and help your family move forward with dignity.
FAQs
In some custody matters, the court may require Mediation through Family Court Services. However, private divorce mediation is voluntary and separate from court-required Mediation.
No. A mediator must remain neutral and cannot give legal advice to either spouse. You may still consult your own attorney for legal advice during the Mediation process.
The timeline depends on the complexity of your case and your level of agreement. Some cases resolve in a few sessions, while others take several months.
Since 2010, Burbank Lawyer Jami Fosgate has dedicated her law practice to assisting clients in a broad range of Family Law matters. In addition to helping couples and individuals peacefully resolve their cases in a timely and cost-effective manner, Jami Fosgate also provides Family Law Legal Documentation Preparation.
Jami Fosgate’s mediation practice is focused on bringing the parties together to control the outcome of their case and settle their disagreements amicably. By doing so, the parties will be better equipped to co-parent and work together to resolve any future conflicts.
