Collaborative Divorce works because the goal is for you and your spouse to work together to resolve the divorce issues that your family is facing.
Collaborative Divorce works because the collaborative professionals don’t see the pending divorce as a battle to be won, but as a problem to be solved. You and your family are in a crisis, and you need help to get through it. You are likely emotionally distraught and need guidance to navigate the confusing and stressful divorce process.
In a litigated divorce, these emotions can cause you to end up angry, bitter, and vengeful, and may even lead to you and your spouse becoming enemies.
That is not a good recipe for the future, especially if you have children that you will be co-parenting. The amygdala, or lizard part of our brain, may tell you to ‘fight’ and go to court and battle it out. However, the more rational part of the brain knows that is not what will be best for everyone involved, especially when you and your spouse have children together. The Collaborative Divorce team helps you to focus and listen to the more rational side of your brain to manage crises of divorce and all the changes it causes.
Often when a marriage is ending, you and your spouse are talking and maybe even yelling, but nobody is listening. The Collaborative Divorce coaches help you both to communicate and listen to each other better. The coaches are mental health professionals whose area of expertise is teaching you how to both communicate your needs and concerns and goals, and to listen to your spouses’ needs and concerns and goals. Learning how to listen is also better for future co-parenting, which means the Collaborative Divorce process results in a better co-parenting relationship and shields the children from the conflict.
Just because you’re getting divorced, it does not mean that you stop being a family.
At the end of the Collaborative Divorce process, the hope is that you will respect each other a little bit more, understand your common goals, and have a plan about how you are going to cooperate to co-parent peacefully together. You might even end up being friends at the end of the process!